ANDY:
Look Steve the Cup Final is coming up in a few days and I'm afraid you can't come with us in your current condition.
STEVE:
What do you mean?
ANDY:
What I mean is you fight with everybody.
STEVE PUSHES ANDY.
STEVE:
What the hell are you talking about?!
MARK:
Yeah Steve, you also have an uncanny ability of rubbing people up the wrong way.
STEVE WIPES HIS NOSE ON MARKS TSHIRT.
STEVE:
(Indignant) That one you're going to have to explain to me. If I'm so hard to get on with where are your examples?
MARK:
Well there was the time we were out with my cousin Mike and you said that every shot he failed to drink that you would kick him it the lung, knowing that he had bad asthma.
ANDY:
There was also the time you punched out that old woman after she rolled over your foot with her shopping trolley.
STEVE:
Okay okay! I don't think I rub people up the wrong way though.
MARK:
During our Confirmation the bishop stormed off the altar because he said, while pointing at you; and I quote: "I'm sick of his shit".
ANDY:
You knocked two kids out with a Frisbee and spat a chewing gum into a baby's mouth. You also pissed off all those mice that time.
MARK:
Yeah you wore that 'Shrews are my favourite rodents' t-shirt in a predominantly mouse area. Look you're just really hard to get along with and over the course of an FA Cup final against our fiercest rivals we just don't think it would be safe but we think we have found a solution.
ANDY :
We've got you two tickets to see the Dalai Lama. The bastion of well-being on the earth. He has chosen to use peace in his treatment of all beings. If anyone can help you to find your inner peace it's him.
STEVE:
Two tickets? Great I'll bring your missus, Woaaa!!!
ANDY:
This is the type of shit I'm talking about. Just go and sort yourself out.
THE THREE BOYS SHOW UP AT THE RECEPTION AREA.
MARK:
(To Receptionist) Hi, where is the Dalai Lama holding his seminar?
RECEPTIONIST:
Second door on the left.
THE THREE BOYS OPEN THE DOOR AND SEE A ROOM FULL OF LLAMAS.
LLAMA:
Sorry lads this is the Daily Llama conference. The Dalai Lama is next door.
STEVE ENTERS AND COMES OUT AFTER AN HOUR TO WHERE THE BOYS ARE WAITING.
STEVE:
Oh my God! You were so right. I have never known such peace. It's like I was never fully aware before now. I can feel the gentle flow of the universe. I-its as if I am perfectly in tune with the rhythm of life. The ebb and flow of the tides... I just have to go back in for the floating butterfly wind-down. See you in twenty minutes.
ANDY AND MARK ARE WAITING OUTSIDE WHEN STEVE AND THE DALAI LAMA COME CRASHING THROUGH THE WALL GRAPPLING ON THE GROUND. THE DALAI LAMA GETS THE UPPER HAND AND PUNCHES STEVE ANGRILY.
DALAI LAMA:
You stupid f**king prick! Die you bastard, die!!!
END.
Look Steve the Cup Final is coming up in a few days and I'm afraid you can't come with us in your current condition.
STEVE:
What do you mean?
ANDY:
What I mean is you fight with everybody.
STEVE PUSHES ANDY.
STEVE:
What the hell are you talking about?!
MARK:
Yeah Steve, you also have an uncanny ability of rubbing people up the wrong way.
STEVE WIPES HIS NOSE ON MARKS TSHIRT.
STEVE:
(Indignant) That one you're going to have to explain to me. If I'm so hard to get on with where are your examples?
MARK:
Well there was the time we were out with my cousin Mike and you said that every shot he failed to drink that you would kick him it the lung, knowing that he had bad asthma.
ANDY:
There was also the time you punched out that old woman after she rolled over your foot with her shopping trolley.
STEVE:
Okay okay! I don't think I rub people up the wrong way though.
MARK:
During our Confirmation the bishop stormed off the altar because he said, while pointing at you; and I quote: "I'm sick of his shit".
ANDY:
You knocked two kids out with a Frisbee and spat a chewing gum into a baby's mouth. You also pissed off all those mice that time.
MARK:
Yeah you wore that 'Shrews are my favourite rodents' t-shirt in a predominantly mouse area. Look you're just really hard to get along with and over the course of an FA Cup final against our fiercest rivals we just don't think it would be safe but we think we have found a solution.
ANDY :
We've got you two tickets to see the Dalai Lama. The bastion of well-being on the earth. He has chosen to use peace in his treatment of all beings. If anyone can help you to find your inner peace it's him.
STEVE:
Two tickets? Great I'll bring your missus, Woaaa!!!
ANDY:
This is the type of shit I'm talking about. Just go and sort yourself out.
THE THREE BOYS SHOW UP AT THE RECEPTION AREA.
MARK:
(To Receptionist) Hi, where is the Dalai Lama holding his seminar?
RECEPTIONIST:
Second door on the left.
THE THREE BOYS OPEN THE DOOR AND SEE A ROOM FULL OF LLAMAS.
LLAMA:
Sorry lads this is the Daily Llama conference. The Dalai Lama is next door.
STEVE ENTERS AND COMES OUT AFTER AN HOUR TO WHERE THE BOYS ARE WAITING.
STEVE:
Oh my God! You were so right. I have never known such peace. It's like I was never fully aware before now. I can feel the gentle flow of the universe. I-its as if I am perfectly in tune with the rhythm of life. The ebb and flow of the tides... I just have to go back in for the floating butterfly wind-down. See you in twenty minutes.
ANDY AND MARK ARE WAITING OUTSIDE WHEN STEVE AND THE DALAI LAMA COME CRASHING THROUGH THE WALL GRAPPLING ON THE GROUND. THE DALAI LAMA GETS THE UPPER HAND AND PUNCHES STEVE ANGRILY.
DALAI LAMA:
You stupid f**king prick! Die you bastard, die!!!
END.
No comments:
Post a Comment