Ruchika Sharma Associate Professor, University of Delhi
Men forget but never forgive. Women forgive but never forget. I know. It is as cliched as it could get. Some researchers have also claimed that women are actually more forgiving than men. Seriously, are we women inherently more forgiving or is it just that we are expected to do so? Don't we at times get so bogged down to maintain the superwoman facade that we forget the reality?
Let's forget us mortals; no one questions mythology where an ideal man like Ram, quite unlike the quintessential Indian male, uncharacteristically gives in to hearsay and asks his wife, Sita, to prove her character after coming back from captivity. When proven innocent, does the question of Ram asking for forgiveness not arise, or am I expecting too much? In our times, the real and powerful Hillary Clinton, a liberated woman in her own right, had to forgive her husband's proven infidelity. To my utter horror, it was seen as the correct thing to do.
Why should a woman care about poise and wifely conduct when she is already going through the turmoil of being right to herself or playing the socially relevant role of a martyr? Then do we have much choice? The movies and media also do their bit to make sacrificial goats of us and to top it, they glorify it. The choice is between being the heroine or the vamp. Sigh, so much for the choice.Moreover, the onus of a relationship is usually on women, and if they don't forgive the teeny-weeny mistakes (they are always teeny-weeny) their men make, it is her fault.
Mind you I am not referring to some village girl, but women living in big cities, who are financially independent. More often than not, a failed relationship becomes the albatross that she lives with, by learning to forgive. Or she is made to feel sorrier by all those around her, for having too much attitude, ego (read self-respect) or worse, adjustment issues (huh?).On one of my research trips to Kolkata, the caretaker of my guest house gave me a free piece of advice (the only free thing in that guest house). She said that a woman in a relationship should be like kusha grass, which bends down whenever there is a storm coming its way.
The point however was that when a woman bends in a relationship, she redeems herself, or else all hell is let loose. More often than not we are not given choices, unless we snatch them. Who wants to be reduced to a pedestal by following all these irrational, socially accepted ideas? We are ready to face the music and be seen as 'independent'. Now that we are getting to make and follow our own rules, we forgive you guys for making such stupid ones for us, for such a long time.
Saurabh Yadav Creative Supervisor, Mercedes
In recorded history there have been diddly squat two instances of someone calling me sexy.
One was yesterday when my friend handed me his mobile phone and asked me to call his friend, she thought it was him when she picked up the phone and uttered the deodorant marketing man's favourite word. Clearly it was a mistake then.The other one when she says or the way she says it either reeks of love or is immediately followed by an innocent "joke tha genius".More often than not though, many people agree that I am sexist.
Sometimes they are vocal about it and sometimes quite physical. It is. Sexist: many. Sexy: 0, then. So now you know where this is going then. Well, do you now? Don't you?
Women have quite a varied threshold of forgiveness. Some have forgiven me for calling them fat and some have looked so angrily at me that you would be right in guessing that they were wishing that my progenies will be well done Yadavs, a scary proposition if you are a steak, all for asking them to press the eighth floor button and then not even secretly glancing at her even once during the eight-hour long trip to my eighth floor office.
They also almost never forgive you for not noticing their haircut, or giving them dead lizards. My "comprehensive" research is inconclusive when it comes to them forgiving you for giving non-mushy, albeit totally cool gifts. Unwrapped of course.And you are most definitely forgiven for stealing their lunch-box or finishing their food.So to be fair to the five times fair sex, they for the best part forgive you more often than the one time fair and handsome sex.But that is not that, or don't-call-me-son-you-son-ofa-gun end of the argument punch line.
See women always forgive you soonish, and not just in relationships but generally, though they never forget that they did. And that is worse than them not forgiving you at all. Because then you are always reminded of how the goodness of her heart lights up the dark corner that is you. And that kind of makes your innards burn more than if you had one packet too many of chips the night before.
Personally, I think this whole business of forgiving and then reminding that you were forgiven is the best trick the devil invented.But then if you can let go of your ego, what all you can get away with is just mindboggling. But that is exactly like saying if a whale could lose 'some' weight, it could shop at Zara.
I mean, it is not exactly like saying that, but you get the drift. Ok, what I mean is men and ego are as inseparable as women and their strawberry flavoured lip balm. Having had quite a few unsuccessful relationships, I can say confidently that relationships are like stock markets, and I don't understand either one of them. But the trick to have a better record than mine is to not only forgive but, more importantly, forget.
Having blabbered for so long about all that, I hope I will be forgiven for all this, well for a lack of better word, blabbering.I am hoping that, because the girl who mailed me to write this piece insisted "...send it as soon as possible along with a picture of yours where your face is clearly visible."
Reproduced From India Today. © 2011. LMIL. All rights reserved.
Men forget but never forgive. Women forgive but never forget. I know. It is as cliched as it could get. Some researchers have also claimed that women are actually more forgiving than men. Seriously, are we women inherently more forgiving or is it just that we are expected to do so? Don't we at times get so bogged down to maintain the superwoman facade that we forget the reality?
Let's forget us mortals; no one questions mythology where an ideal man like Ram, quite unlike the quintessential Indian male, uncharacteristically gives in to hearsay and asks his wife, Sita, to prove her character after coming back from captivity. When proven innocent, does the question of Ram asking for forgiveness not arise, or am I expecting too much? In our times, the real and powerful Hillary Clinton, a liberated woman in her own right, had to forgive her husband's proven infidelity. To my utter horror, it was seen as the correct thing to do.
Why should a woman care about poise and wifely conduct when she is already going through the turmoil of being right to herself or playing the socially relevant role of a martyr? Then do we have much choice? The movies and media also do their bit to make sacrificial goats of us and to top it, they glorify it. The choice is between being the heroine or the vamp. Sigh, so much for the choice.Moreover, the onus of a relationship is usually on women, and if they don't forgive the teeny-weeny mistakes (they are always teeny-weeny) their men make, it is her fault.
Mind you I am not referring to some village girl, but women living in big cities, who are financially independent. More often than not, a failed relationship becomes the albatross that she lives with, by learning to forgive. Or she is made to feel sorrier by all those around her, for having too much attitude, ego (read self-respect) or worse, adjustment issues (huh?).On one of my research trips to Kolkata, the caretaker of my guest house gave me a free piece of advice (the only free thing in that guest house). She said that a woman in a relationship should be like kusha grass, which bends down whenever there is a storm coming its way.
The point however was that when a woman bends in a relationship, she redeems herself, or else all hell is let loose. More often than not we are not given choices, unless we snatch them. Who wants to be reduced to a pedestal by following all these irrational, socially accepted ideas? We are ready to face the music and be seen as 'independent'. Now that we are getting to make and follow our own rules, we forgive you guys for making such stupid ones for us, for such a long time.
Saurabh Yadav Creative Supervisor, Mercedes
In recorded history there have been diddly squat two instances of someone calling me sexy.
One was yesterday when my friend handed me his mobile phone and asked me to call his friend, she thought it was him when she picked up the phone and uttered the deodorant marketing man's favourite word. Clearly it was a mistake then.The other one when she says or the way she says it either reeks of love or is immediately followed by an innocent "joke tha genius".More often than not though, many people agree that I am sexist.
Sometimes they are vocal about it and sometimes quite physical. It is. Sexist: many. Sexy: 0, then. So now you know where this is going then. Well, do you now? Don't you?
Women have quite a varied threshold of forgiveness. Some have forgiven me for calling them fat and some have looked so angrily at me that you would be right in guessing that they were wishing that my progenies will be well done Yadavs, a scary proposition if you are a steak, all for asking them to press the eighth floor button and then not even secretly glancing at her even once during the eight-hour long trip to my eighth floor office.
They also almost never forgive you for not noticing their haircut, or giving them dead lizards. My "comprehensive" research is inconclusive when it comes to them forgiving you for giving non-mushy, albeit totally cool gifts. Unwrapped of course.And you are most definitely forgiven for stealing their lunch-box or finishing their food.So to be fair to the five times fair sex, they for the best part forgive you more often than the one time fair and handsome sex.But that is not that, or don't-call-me-son-you-son-ofa-gun end of the argument punch line.
See women always forgive you soonish, and not just in relationships but generally, though they never forget that they did. And that is worse than them not forgiving you at all. Because then you are always reminded of how the goodness of her heart lights up the dark corner that is you. And that kind of makes your innards burn more than if you had one packet too many of chips the night before.
Personally, I think this whole business of forgiving and then reminding that you were forgiven is the best trick the devil invented.But then if you can let go of your ego, what all you can get away with is just mindboggling. But that is exactly like saying if a whale could lose 'some' weight, it could shop at Zara.
I mean, it is not exactly like saying that, but you get the drift. Ok, what I mean is men and ego are as inseparable as women and their strawberry flavoured lip balm. Having had quite a few unsuccessful relationships, I can say confidently that relationships are like stock markets, and I don't understand either one of them. But the trick to have a better record than mine is to not only forgive but, more importantly, forget.
Having blabbered for so long about all that, I hope I will be forgiven for all this, well for a lack of better word, blabbering.I am hoping that, because the girl who mailed me to write this piece insisted "...send it as soon as possible along with a picture of yours where your face is clearly visible."
Reproduced From India Today. © 2011. LMIL. All rights reserved.
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