The giving and receiving of wedding gifts is a long-standing tradition. It is also one of the areas where more etiquette rules are broken than perhaps any other part of your wedding. The following tips are designed to help you have a lovely wedding without inadvertently offending your guests.
• Your guests are not obligated to give a gift, though most do. An invitation to your wedding is a request for guests to join you in celebrating a joyous occasion in your life and it should never be about gifts. If a guest is having financial difficulties or for some other reason is unable to give a gift, don't worry about it.
• Do not include registry information in your invitation or mention gifts in any way in the invitation. The stores where you register encourage you to place their cards in your invitation because it is good for their business. However, it is not proper to do so and it offends your guests who know that. A shower hostess may place registry information in a shower invitation, however.
• Do not tell your guests that you want money or that you will have a money tree at the reception. You should not mention gifts, nor should you suggest that your guests give you a particular type of gift. Judith Martin, also known as Miss Manners, calls this "shaking down your guests." Money trees are controversial and may offend rather than bringing in much money. Your guests are not obligated to help you pay for your wedding or honeymoon.
• Guests will choose a gift based on their budget and on how well they know you. They are not obligated to cover the cost of their meal and they should not even know how much you paid for your reception. To give out that information is considered bragging and has no bearing on what your guests will give.
• Send thank-you notes within three months of the wedding. If you receive gifts before the wedding, write the thank yous immediately, then mail them after the wedding.
• If you return gifts, don't mention it to the giver unless you absolutely must. If you receive five toasters, you may need to explain the circumstances and find out where to return the gifts. If you simply don't care for an item, or the color or style isn't to your liking, then don't offend the giver by letting them know that you don't like their taste. Simply thank them for the gift.
When the bride and groom and their guests display courtesy and good manners concerning the giving and receiving of gifts, there are no hurt feelings and you can look back on your wedding with pleasant memories.
• Your guests are not obligated to give a gift, though most do. An invitation to your wedding is a request for guests to join you in celebrating a joyous occasion in your life and it should never be about gifts. If a guest is having financial difficulties or for some other reason is unable to give a gift, don't worry about it.
• Do not include registry information in your invitation or mention gifts in any way in the invitation. The stores where you register encourage you to place their cards in your invitation because it is good for their business. However, it is not proper to do so and it offends your guests who know that. A shower hostess may place registry information in a shower invitation, however.
• Do not tell your guests that you want money or that you will have a money tree at the reception. You should not mention gifts, nor should you suggest that your guests give you a particular type of gift. Judith Martin, also known as Miss Manners, calls this "shaking down your guests." Money trees are controversial and may offend rather than bringing in much money. Your guests are not obligated to help you pay for your wedding or honeymoon.
• Guests will choose a gift based on their budget and on how well they know you. They are not obligated to cover the cost of their meal and they should not even know how much you paid for your reception. To give out that information is considered bragging and has no bearing on what your guests will give.
• Send thank-you notes within three months of the wedding. If you receive gifts before the wedding, write the thank yous immediately, then mail them after the wedding.
• If you return gifts, don't mention it to the giver unless you absolutely must. If you receive five toasters, you may need to explain the circumstances and find out where to return the gifts. If you simply don't care for an item, or the color or style isn't to your liking, then don't offend the giver by letting them know that you don't like their taste. Simply thank them for the gift.
When the bride and groom and their guests display courtesy and good manners concerning the giving and receiving of gifts, there are no hurt feelings and you can look back on your wedding with pleasant memories.
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